Through Her Eyes

Chapter One

Ellana sat in her car, staring down at her clenched fists, her knuckles turning white. She was furious, positive her anger could be felt from outside the car with how electric the air around her was, but she shouldn’t be mad. She knew her name wouldn’t show up on his wrist when he walked out of that damned building.

Instead: Surana.

His first crush in grade school. How they never had gotten together was beyond herself, they still talked to this day – it always irked her. Now she knew why. Her fists unclenched, a hand dipping under her collar and pressing against the back of her neck. Her eyes trailed down to her own tattoo, it’s name meaning nothing to her. Fen’Harel, hah. Like anyone would be named after that trickster. But every morning, the name was the same. Fen’Harel. Fen’Harel. Fen’Harel. When the hell was this Fen’Harel going to show up? Was Fen’Harel another word for life? Life liked to screw with her — Everything seemed to screw with her. She let her hand fall back to her lap, looking out the foggy window and listening to the thunder in the distance. 

Rain.

It always seemed to be raining now. Ellana pushed some hair out of her face, turning to her phone as it vibrated in the cup holder. She could see his name blink across the screen, a text.

—Cullen [3:05 pm]
im sorry ellana.
i thought it would be okay
i thought…
i am so sorry

Ellana snorted, rolling her eyes. With the shake of her head she forced herself to reply. She couldn’t understand why she was hurt... Maybe because for once someone went against the rules? Decided that having a soul mate wasn’t what they needed? They were okay with her — told her she had nothing to worry about, that no matter what the would walk out of the building and still be with her — but their curiosity got the best of them and they lied. Now she was alone.

—Ellana [3:06 pm]
doesn’t matter
we both knew it before you entered
you werent meant for me cullen…
we both knew

Ellana bit her lip and locked her phone, unwilling to look at the small animation ‘...’ that popped up as Cullen typed back his reply. She never opened the message, deleting any trace of him from her life was easier than expected, but still unpleasant. It was a good thing she never read the message, she wouldn’t have been okay if she had...

—Cullen [3:08 pm]
We can still be friends.

 *** 

Solas raked a hand through his unruly dreads, frowning when his pencil got caught in the bundle of locks. He’ll have to shave it again. It’s been at least twenty, maybe even twenty-one years since he last shaved his hair. With the recent weather, it was getting harder and harder to manage.

Something to look forward to, he mused, pulling the bitten up pencil out. He looked up from his papers when he heard his office door click, his most recent client walking into his office. She was soaked head to toe, her usual unruly curls falling flat against her head, her eyes tired and sunk-in. Her usually earrings missing on her scarred ears, wondering if she purposefully forgot them. The earrings were a trademark of hers. Shining Blue Lyrium, even with all her curls you could see them. She looked like she just walked through a hurricane. Was is that bad outside?

“Tab-”

“I know!” She spoke immediately, cutting him off, her hands raised, “I’m sorry, Lethallin. There is no excuse for my tardiness.” She pulled off her coat and frowned, realize how drenched she really was. Her cheeks tinted as she caught sight of her friend’s smirk, his hand trying hard to cover his mouth.

“Shut up.” Tabris spoke quietly, throwing her jacket on the coat hanger. She purposefully set it atop of his, her own smirk forming when she saw the annoyed look on his face. His eyes caught site of a new tattoo, vines sticking out from under her collar. He watched her as she trudges over to him, the sound of her wet boots squeaking against the wooden floor worried him. Her socks had to be soaked. She sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and leaned forward on her knees, her fingers clasping together as she watched him. Her eyes hopeful. 

Please let it be good news.

“How far?” She asked. Solas frowned, looking down at his papers. Tabris could tell from how bitten down the pencil in his hand was that this wasn’t good news.

“Are they at least alive?” Solas sighed, leaning back against his chair, “There are... many Theirin’s. To narrow down the search would be nearly impossible. I—” Solas hesitated, seeing the flash of sorrow in his friend's eyes, “... I can give you the list but there are over a hundred—”

“I want the list.” Tabris spoke, confident. Solas took a deep breath, biting at the wooden part of his pencil again. Tabris wasn’t like the other client’s he’s helped. Most just wanted to get it over with. Find their soul mate and move on, live happily ever after in ignorant bliss. But Tabris had other reasons, none for the sake of her own personal gain. The Theirin’s were a wealthy family across Thedas. Human, noble, untainted with elf blood. He worried for her, the first elf to ever be matched with a human noble for centuries.

Solas took a deep breath, his mouth opening—

“Please, Solas.” Tabris moved forward in her chair, reached her hand out and placing it over his. He caught sight of her tattoo’s wrist. The name Therein was scribbled horribly, almost like a child, the name still showing up no matter how many times she cut her skin or scribbled and tattooed over the name. “I— I know this could get you in trouble, I just...”

“I know.” Solas spoke after a long pause, nodding to himself. He pulled his hand away and sorted through some papers on his desk, “I’ll give you the two I suspect is your significant other—” He caught sight of Tabris’ smile when he said with word, a small understanding between them. Neither liked the word soul mate. Set in stone. They weren’t people of tradition. “—maybe even the top five... Call me when you deiced you are going to met them. I— I just want you safe.”

Tabris couldn’t hide her smile, “Ma melava halani, lethallin, ma serannas.”

***

Ellana curled up on her couch, the side of her head resting against the leather cushions as she read through her favorite book; Lives of the Past Masters by F.H. Solas.

The book was about past lives, how our souls go through life with the same people over and over again – but completely different than before. She could have been a dwarf in a past life, her S.O. a human, qunari, anything really… she wouldn’t know. Few are granted the memories of their past lives. Solas added some dialogue from interviews he’s taken over the years, few of the dialogue when even when he was being interviewed. Her favorite page, three-sixty-five, spoke about his own search for his soul mate. 

(…) I never completely believe in the system we have. Who is to decide who we love, who we choose to spend the rest of our lives with, but ourselves? I would like to think that my significant other thinks the same, if they do not, so be it. As long as they can tolerate my snoring, we’ll do just fine. (…) Yes. Yes, I have helped over hundreds—thousands maybe, inducing the other souls, but finding my other half isn’t as easy. (…) It would be simple enough to say ‘If so-and-so is reading this book, you are my significant other.’ But what would be the fun of that? (…) I traveled a lot in my twenties, searching for my significant other across Thedas – even traveled into Tevinter for a brief time – anywhere I knew my S.O.’s name (past or present) had been before. (…) No, I was not lucky. Almost died in Tevinter. A cause of mistaken identity but scary enough for me to reconsider going back. (...) Clues are everywhere. We see them everyday. We just don’t realize it. The first crush you had in grade school, that first kiss, first anything really, even the last anything, that could have sealed your fate – and your S.O.’s as well. (…)

Ellana had read this book a million times, obvious from the wear and tear from the spine, the little sticky notes she added as her own ideas of past lives. She hated that this was the only book he ever wrote, and often wondered if he ever planned on writing another. Whether or not this was fact or fiction, it felt real enough to her to make sense of all the soul mate bullshit she dealt with daily. She carried this book everywhere, and her friends mocked her constantly about it.

“For someone who calls all this bullshit, you sure love to read about past lives and soul mates.” Her friend, Dorian, chimed in once, pulling the book from her hands to study it.

“Because,” Ellana quickly grasped it, shoving it in her bag, “It speaks more about how everyone is connected, not just by tattoo’s or sex, but by stardust and—”

“Someone’s been hitting up the elfroot again.” Krem walked up behind her, pretending to smoke a blunt — earning him a elbow to the stomach — before setting down Ellana's steaming cup of tea. Ellana stuck her tongue out and glared up at her friend.

“Not so loud.” She hissed, looking around the nearly empty cafe. 

“Uh-huh.” Krem rolled his eyes and took the other empty chair between Ellana and Dorian.

“Back to the book—” Ellana was cut off by Dorian.

“Yes, I would love to hear more about pixie dust and fairies.” He leaned forward on the table, shooting a mocking smile at Ellana.

“Stardust.” Ellana flicked her friends nose, shaking her head, “No fairies.” 

“And like that, you’ve lost my interest.” Dorian leaned back in his chair, his eyes roaming down to his empty foam cup.

“I just don’t get the interest.” Krem shrugged, looking down at his own newly tattooed wrist. The name Trevelyan printed neatly over his skin. He had gone to The Search little than two weeks ago, coming out with a name and no idea whose face it belonged to, “I’m not too interested to find out who is behind the name.”

“This book isn’t just about the history that started The Search,” Ellana pulled out the book again, looking down at it, “It’s about the journey others before us have taken to find their soul mate. Making friends in unusual places, saving damsels, kicking ass and—”

“Showing how no matter what you do in life: you die, are reborn, and have to start the search all over?” Dorian grumbled, glaring down at his own wrist. He had two tattoos’. One almost completely burned off and the other written in bold but thinned out letters. Dorian spoke little of the name that was tattooed before, finding out only three years’ prior that his father had tipped the balanced and blackmailed the Tevinter Government to give him the wrong name. He had been with the women for almost 4 years before finding out the truth. She had never met the woman, and during that time Dorian was a mess. As soon as he found out the truth, he was called back to Tevinter to get the correct name branded on him. Whoever that woman was...

Ellana frowned, looking down at her own sleeve. As much as she wanted to believe that maybe she would be misprinted, Dorian’s father was ruthless. She knew she had to have been paid a handsome sum of money to agree to what Dorian’s father asked of her. Ellana looked at Dorian, his eyes still glaring at his wrist. Kalamnan was the new name he had been given. Which did him little to no good. His search being just as unsuccessful as her own, so far. Krem tried to lighten the mood, making a snarky remark about her obsession with the book, and soon Dorian chimed in. They embarrassed the shit out of her.

“You two will never understand.” Ellana sighed, rolling her eyes at the pair. And the truth is they wouldn’t, not until they at least tried to read the book or talk to Solas. Which they never would. She doesn’t even think she would ever send him fan mail, no matter how much she loved his work. Ellana covered her mouth as she yawned, tearing her eyes from the book to look at the digital clock next to her TV.

4:15 am

Damn, she looked back down at her book and contemplated continuing. She shook her head and pulled out her torn up book from under her thigh and set it in the book. She got up, setting the book on the coffee table and shutting off the small lamp behind her, walking to her room. 

***

Ellana woke to loud banging against her door, cursing from under her pillow and praying to the Creators that whoever the hell was at her door would get the message and—

“Open up, Ellana!” Her could hear her friends yell. She cursed, knowing that the landlord would have her head if she ignores them, and quickly got up. She shuffled out of her room and to the door, unlocking it. Dorian opened the door quickly, Krem, Sera and Isabela following, loudly, behind.

“Good news, Peaches!” Dorian flew across her living room, jumping from one place to another as Ellana shut the door behind the others. She said 'hello' to the others, asking if they needed anything to let her know or just raid her fridge themselves — which they did instantly.

“You’re bouncing.” Ellana took notice, a small frown on her face as Dorian picked up her book and walked over to her.

“I got him!” Dorian raised the book in front of her face, the smile only growing as Ellana stared quizzically between the book and himself.

“Got 'him'? Who's 'him'?”

“Elfy elf!” Sera called from the kitchen, “Where’s the cereal?”

“Cabinet above the fridge.” Ellana looked over her shoulder, cringing when she heard something crash.

“Nothing broke!” Krem called out quickly, easing her nerves little.

“Solas! The man you’ve been speaking about since I met you!” Dorian chuckled and opened the book, flipping through the pages, “He just finished the last client! I had Varric make a call and he spoke to the man about how he knew someone—” Dorian poking Ellana's cheek, laughing, “—that is a big fan. We’ve got all twelve slots and he is going to help us find our S.O’s!”

Ellana's voice caught in her throat, “Y— You... He... what?” 

Did he just say…?

“He’s agreed to see us at one and—”

“One?” Ellana shrieked, looking over at digital clock next to her TV. 

11:56 am.

“I have to get ready!” Ellana ran to her room, getting her things ready for a shower.